How to Unfriend Wisely and Find Friends that Last

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. That still holds.

But what if your current circle isn’t helping you become who God is calling you to be? And what if you look at your “top five” and realize you don’t even have a full five? Let’s talk about both—how to step back wisely, and how to build friendships that actually help you follow Jesus.

When It’s Time to Create Distance

The Bible isn’t bashful about warning us away from corrosive influence.

“Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.” (Prov. 14:7)

“Make no friendship with an angry man… lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” (Prov. 22:24–25)

“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

If a friend is shaping you away from wisdom and obedience, love them—and redraw the circle. It’s not cruelty; it’s stewardship.

Two clear tests help:

Do they distract you from God’s plan?

When Peter—Jesus’ friend—tried to reroute Him from the cross, Jesus replied, “Get thee behind me, Satan… thou savourest not the things that be of God.” (Matt. 16:23) Even good friends can pressure you off-mission. You’re allowed to say, kindly but firmly, “No.”

Do they tempt you to sin continually?

Joseph didn’t try to reason forever with Potiphar’s wife; he ran (Gen. 39:12). If a relationship persistently fuels addiction, dishonors your spouse, or dulls your zeal for Christ, distance is wisdom.

A picture that helps: lifeguards are taught that a panicking swimmer will instinctively climb the rescuer and pull them under. Sometimes you must push away before you can pull to safety. In friendship, loving space can keep you both from going under.

How to have “the talk,” graciously: don’t ghost, mock, or text-dump. If appropriate, meet or call. Be honest: “I’m on a different path now—church, sobriety, health, fidelity. I’d love for you to come with me, but I can’t keep doing ____. I care about you; we just need new boundaries.” That’s courage with kindness.

When You Need to Make a Friend (and Don’t Know How)

You’re not alone—many adults feel relationally thin. (We noted last week how close-friend counts have dropped for Americans in recent decades.) Friend-making isn’t a magic trick, and Proverbs 18:24 isn’t a “be friendly, get friends” hack; it’s actually emphasizing the weight of being a real friend—constancy, not charisma. Still, the Bible gives us a path.

Start with Common Ground

David and Jonathan’s souls were “knit” together—shared loves, shared Lord. Their bond wasn’t built on vibes but common devotion: “The LORD be between me and thee… forever.” (1 Sam. 18:1; 20:42) Real friendships often begin where your passions overlap—faith, service, a team, a project, a ministry lane. Go where overlap happens and give it time.

Two high-probability spaces:

Serve shoulder-to-shoulder. Hospitality, kids, tech, music, mercy—friendship often forms while doing.

Join a circle, not just a row. Groups, classes, or teams multiply the “shared time + shared focus” that friendships need.

And yes, you can have rich friendships with people different from you—age, background, interests—but for a bond to deepen, you’ll still discover meaningful common ground in Christ and in your practices together.

Four Ingredients of Durable Friendship

Last week we named two; let’s gather all four the Proverbs highlight:

Constancy — “A friend loveth at all times.” (Prov. 17:17)

Show up. Not just at parties or when it benefits you—but when it’s inconvenient.

Transparency — “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Prov. 27:6)

Truth in love beats flattery every time. Correction isn’t betrayal; it’s care.

Carefulness (Sensitivity) — Don’t sing pep songs to heavy hearts (Prov. 25:20). Don’t blast chipper blessings at dawn to the non-morning person (Prov. 27:14). Read the room; know the “topography” of your friend’s heart and adjust.

Helpfulness (Hearty Counsel) — “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel… Iron sharpeneth iron.” (Prov. 27:9, 17)

Encourage. Advise. Ask good questions. Share Scripture. Pray. Help them become who God designed them to be.

Bottom line: Friends let you in (transparency) and don’t let you down (constancy)—and they grow in wisdom by being careful and helpful.

The Friend at the Center

You won’t practice friendship well without first being befriended by Jesus. He never distracts you from the Father’s will, never tempts you to sin, and never leaves you or forsakes you. His cross is the faithful wound of the truest Friend—“a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Start with Him. Stay close to Him. Then build your circle with His heart and His wisdom.

Quick Start for This Week

• Name one relationship that needs kinder, stronger boundaries. Pray; then have the conversation.
• Pick one proximity step—join a group, serve on a team, or invite someone from church for coffee.
• Practice one ingredient with someone: show up (constancy), tell the truth (transparency), read the room (carefulness), or bring counsel and prayer (helpfulness).
• Lock roots. Grow together.