A few months ago, my sister in South Africa asked me to write some thoughts about grief for a series they were teaching. I have talked with many people about what has helped me since my dad passed away a little over three years ago. It was a sudden car accident. I still remember being at the church when I got the call. In one moment, everything changed for me and for my family. There were so many questions, some we are still working through even now. But I can honestly say that I am thankful for what God has done during this season in our lives.

Not long after the funeral, my sisters and I talked about how we believe Dad had prepared us for times like this. The way my mom and dad raised us, the things they taught us, and the way we watched our parents walk with God during their own difficulties. All of that shaped the way we handled his death and our own difficulties still today.

The biggest thing that has helped me in any hard time, especially with loss, is having the right view of God. We need to remember who God is. He is all-powerful, He is eternal, He is all-knowing, and He is always in control. It is normal to ask God “why?” during grief. Many people do. And many times, we do not get clear answers. But we have to start from what we do know, that God is in control, and He does not make mistakes.

People who do not know Christ often look only for a reason. They feel that they must understand the purpose in order to accept the sorrow. But for me, I have learned that if God is allowing something in my life, then He has a purpose, and that purpose is for His glory. Knowing that shifts my focus from why this is happening to what God wants to do through it. In John 9:1-3, the disciples asked Jesus why a man was born blind and if it was because of sin. Jesus said it was so “that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” The purpose was God’s glory.

God’s love is also part of this. If God truly loves me, then He is not hurting me just to hurt me. He is working for His honor and glory in me, even when it feels painful. His love and His purpose work together. So I cannot look at loss and think God has abandoned me. I must remember He is with me and working in me and through me.

God never does anything without purpose. I think of my mom’s cancer years ago. A friend’s mother, who had already gone through cancer, sent my mom a letter and a small pin to wear until she was in remission. At the time, she did not know that God would later use her experience to encourage others going through the same thing. But God did. God used her cancer to create strength, compassion, and a voice that could help, specifically my mom, when she needed it most.

This world is broken. People sin. Hard things happen. But God is still working on purpose through all of it.

This does not mean the hurt goes away. Hard times happen for us all, but it helps me focus on what matters most in the middle of the sorrow that God is working on me, and I get to be part of what He is doing.

The other thing that helped me was the church. I honestly do not know how someone goes through hardships in life without Christ, the church, and Christian friends. We had only been at Harvest for about four months when my dad passed, but our church family wrapped around us. And not just here, friends from our previous church, friends from college, and the church where I grew up. I received so many messages, calls, and prayers. It was so helpful to know that so many were praying for us.

Showing up to church that next Sunday was hard, but being with God’s people, singing together, and opening God’s Word brought the comfort I knew that I needed. Never underestimate the power of a church family. Even when it is hard to show up, there is power in being around your brothers and sisters in Christ and worshipping God together.

There are also times when the house gets quiet and the mind can wander, and I need something that pulls my heart back to God. For me, it was worship music and Scripture. On our long drive to Missouri, I listened to songs about God’s goodness and faithfulness. Songs that reminded me I am His, that He is my anchor, and that He is always good. This may seem simple, but it was so practical to help me keep my focus on Him and not be drawn away by the doubts the devil wanted to put in my head.

For me, “in everything give thanks” has taken on a new meaning and practical application. To remember God and who He is, to remember His promise that He loves us and knows what is best for His honor and glory. But practically, He has also given us the church, worship, and His word to keep us on track. All we have to do is let them.